Confessions of an Equestrianoholic

Saturday Evening Diary – a bit of canter, a little walkabout around the barn, and some personal growth and change…

Good evening all! Let’s catch up!

It’s been 9 weeks since my mom passed away, and the reality of her not being here has fully set in. The autopilot days are long gone and I find myself thinking about her more and more throughout the day. But the one place I can’t do that, is the barn. My attention needs to be focused on what I’m doing, so being around the horses is helping with my grief.

I am proudly riding Copper 4 days a week! My 48yr old body is adjusting nicely to the increased exercise. I lesson 3 of those days and the 4th day Copper and I ride solo. Our partnership has grown…in HUGE LEAPS! We are now jumping cross rails. We are cantering more. We are listening to each other. We are supporting each other. And man, it feels amazing.

Cantering today, we went almost all the way around the arena!

What has lead to this somewhat instant display of confidence you ask? Well, besides trusting him, I trust myself. For the first time since I’ve been riding (8 1/2 years now) , I have trust in myself, trust in my abilities, trust in knowing when I’m nervous (which is totally OK and normal) and trust in who I am as a rider, and I have found my voice.

My voice. I am the strongest advocate for my family and of course for my horses. But I wasn’t ever a good advocate for myself. I often found myself not expressing my feelings, for a variety of reasons, being shy, not wanting to admit I couldn’t keep up with other riders, so you, know, you do your best to fake it. Well, that doesn’t work out for you EVER. Even though I’ve made improvement in that area, it wasn’t enough. After my mom passed, suddenly I found my voice. It was always there, but something is different now. I feel as though I want to show my mom, what an incredible human she raised. Oh don’t worry, she told me all the time, especially the last few weeks before she passed just how proud of me she was, and how she was so thankful I found my passion in life. But without her here, I feel like I have something to prove to myself. And that is what’s different with my riding these days.

I speak up when my wonderful trainer asks me if I want to try something I haven’t done before. Most times, I say yes. But it’s OK to say no, I’m not comfortable with that just yet. Because I know I will be comfortable with it in a few weeks, and that’s fine.

My new found voice is also helping with listening to Copper. I know, how strange is that…my voice is helping me listen to Copper. Let me explain. When I feel him getting nervous about something, or I see that he is paying attention to something other than myself, I speak to him in the language he understands and shift gears a bit and will do something to get his focus back. Just today, 2 birds were flying very low to us, and Copper got nervous so I did a bit of leg yield to get him focused on me and we avoided a potential spook…although I did get covered in bird poop 🤣, but Copper was totally relaxed which is all that mattered. I’ve known for years what to do when you feel your horse isn’t listening to you because they are focused on something else, but I finally found my strong voice to actually act upon it.

Little Flame. Little Flame is doing great. He is learning to expand his circle of trust with 2 more barn employees. Both women are working with him, leading him around the barn, our “walkabout”-working on building a strong foundation of trust which will benefit him when he and Alfie can be turned back outside in their paddock. The weather is getting warmer and both boys are anxious to be outside, but this process is one that I refuse to rush through. Again, here is me using my voice. I am making choices to set both Flame and his handlers up for success. When everyone handling him feels confident, and Flame is confident in knowing what is expected of him – no bolting, allowing himself to be caught and brought in for turn-in, then everyone is happy and safe.

Alfie. Alfie is Alfie, his days are spent playing with Flame in the arena, napping and begging for treats. 😊

Alfie has navicular, a condition that is common in older horses, and because of that, he requires shoes on his front feet. In the late fall Alfie had his shoes pulled off due to an issue with his heel. Since he was going to be in the arena all winter and wouldn’t have to deal with hard frozen ground, being barefoot wasn’t an issue. In fact, he’s totally 100% sound (he has no lameness). The issue with his heel is slowly starting to correct itself but shoes right now are not a great option. The hope is he can stay barefoot once he and Flame are back outside in their paddock.

Alfie was ready to come in from the arena 🤣.

The last 9 weeks have changed me, on all levels. I am growing as a person. The ones that sense this the most are my horses. I have seen such a positive change in all of them. They are growing with me.❤️🐴

Sunday Morning Diary – Remembering my Mom

My mom passed away 3 weeks ago. 💔 It was incredibly hard to watch as her body finally shut down.

I didn’t go to the barn the day she passed. I was numb that day, and was on autopilot. I received many pictures of the horses that day which certainly lifted my spirits.

The day after she passed, I managed to get myself dressed and went to the barn. When I got there I was told that Alfie had been acting like a fire breathing dragon when he and Flame were turned out in the arena – something that normally doesn’t happen unless there was an extreme change in weather, which there was not. Apparently he was snorting and prancing around with his tail up which then of course got little Flame all excited. When I looked into the arena, and made eye contact with Alfie, I said to him, your grandma paid you a visit, and he closed his eyes and nodded his head.

I know, you are probably thinking I’m reading way too much into this, but there was a feeling of warm comfort I felt, something I never felt before, it was truly like I was getting a hug from my mom.❤️

The last 3 weeks have been hard, but I am doing OK. Knowing my mom can finally watch all of my rides, adventures and mis-adventures with my 3 boys brings me great joy.

I am forever grateful for the support my mom showed me as I began my equestrian life, even though sometimes she didn’t fully understand the level of my commitment. She enjoyed hearing about everything barn related, and I still chat with her on my drives home from the barn, keeping our nightly “phone calls” the same.

I love you mama.

Sunday Evening Diary – Sunshine and Horses

11 days. That’s how many days went by where my area didn’t see the sun. Grey clouds, rain & snow, no sun. All week leading up to this weekend the forecast said the sun would come out. But you know, the ones that forecast the weather are the only people who can be wrong and still have a job. So when I woke up yesterday morning and saw the bright sun. I knew it was going to be a great day.🌞

I am happy to report that I am back to riding twice a week. I’ve already noticed an improvement with my stamina and strength, and I’m much less sore in the days following my rides.💪🏻

On Saturday’s I ride with 2 other adults. Both of these adults have more experience than I do, and I sometimes feel like I’m in over my head. Copper and I were not on the same page for a good chunk of our lesson on Saturday. I had issues getting him to move forward, then we had some disagreements about walking straight and staying against the rail or wall of the arena for my non horsey friends. But I stuck with it and adjusted all my cues until he finally stopped walking like a drunkin sailor lol.

On Sunday I ride with 1 other adult, and this lesson for me, is where I can fine tune what I didn’t do well on Saturday. Today’s lesson was much better. I did a much better job at keeping him straight and forward and that resulted in some beautiful moments of cantering that we did.

Both rides were learning experiences and were fun. But I haven’t told you the best parts. So….I know the suspense is killing you 😉

In the beginning of January I told my trainer that my goal for this year was to be confident enough to ride around the property alone with Copper. I’ve had some lovely times with riding him outside but I usually have someone walk next to me or I’m with another person on horseback – but there’s usually a person walking next to me. So it’s basically a pony ride. She told me that goal was something we can achieve.

What better way to get used to riding alone than in the safety of the arena. For the last 3 weeks I’ve ridden in the arena alone before my Sunday lesson. It helps Copper get an extra long warmup and it’s giving me the confidence to get comfortable riding alone. So while my trainer is finishing up with the previous lesson, Copper and I work on whatever issues we are having. Today we worked on leg yielding to help keep him more straight than yesterday..

Being alone in the arena with him is quite comical at times. Anyone walking by or sitting in the viewing room will hear me have a full on conversation with him. Talking to him helps keep me focused and keeps my nerves in check. I can’t be nervous if I’m telling him step by step what we are doing lol.

Oh but there’s more. My new found independence has also led to me getting on my horse without needing anyone to hold him for me. I will admit, I have a lot of mounting block PTSD from Alfie. Alfie had dramatic mounting block issues for all the years we were riding. Copper has always stood perfectly still for me, it was me that had to get over it. And this weekend, I did. Both days, I got him lined up, climbed those mounting block steps, and got on. No issues.🙌🏻

I also managed to squeeze in time with both Alfie and Flame this weekend. Both boys are doing FABULOUS. Alfie has had no issues with his feet since his shoes were removed a few months ago. And little Flame is getting used to hoof oil and hugs & selfies. Interesting combo right??

My mother is still with us, although she has started to really decline. I’m not sure how much longer she has, so every chance I get I tell her how much I love her and how she and my father did a fantastic job of raising me. I know I’ve made her proud in all areas of my life, but especially with the horses. ❤️🐴❤️🐴❤️🐴

Christmas Eve Diary: he’s finally my Alfie 2.0

First and foremost – Merry Christmas to all my amazing supporters!🎄

The last several months have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. My mom is in declining health, and that topped off with me getting COVID put a monkey wrench in riding, as well as working on ground work with Flame. Although my mother’s medical condition is stable, she is currently in hospice. This has forced me to completely change my entire outlook on life.

Here’s a little tidbit of information you might not know about me. My type A personality needs to be in control, needs to have a plan always, and has this uncanny knack of looking ahead into the future, which comes with a constant state of worry. Not so much anxiety, but just plain worry, which then kicks my brain into hyper drive. The situation with my mother has forced me to change that. I know she is going to die, I just don’t know when, nor does she. Worrying about the when isn’t going to make dealing with her passing any easier, so I am now trying my hardest to live in the moment of each day, and not worry about tomorrow until tomorrow comes.

My apologies for getting heavy and deep, but this has changed my entire approach to riding, as well as handling and training Flame.

The last several weeks, my lessons have been different. The first time I got back on Copper my ride was short and sweet. Recovering from COVID has been a challenge. I don’t think I have what some describe as “long COVID”, but I was left with a pretty constant stuffy nose and dry cough. My stamina took a huge hit as well, lots of rest breaks with me catching my breath. But something that was different, that I noticed right away – I have zero anxiety about riding. And then, like a light bulb moment, it all made sense. I am riding in the moment. I am not worried about Copper spooking in the “scary corner”. I am not worried with him looking at a pole or cavaletti strangely. I trust him. Let that sink in for a moment. I. Trust. Copper.

Copper has been mine for just about 2 1/2 years. Of course you have to trust the horse you are riding a little bit, but to put total trust in a horse has not been easy for me to do. It took me 4 years of riding Alfie before I could say with confidence I truly trusted him. And although I trusted Copper, there was always that doubt I had – from worrying about something that hadn’t and wouldn’t happen, that stopped me from totally trusting this beautiful soul. Well all that seems to be gone. What a feeling it is to have finally reached that point of total trust,

When I was on the hunt for a second horse, I was looking for an Alfie 2.0. I needed a horse that checked all the boxes, and Copper did. What was lagging behind the full experience was me. But I’m not lagging anymore.❤️

That’s the update on Copper, we are enjoying our lessons and my new way of thinking which came out of necessity from a truly heartbreaking situation with my mother. Today’s lesson was a fantastic one. We learned some new exercises which will help with leg yielding. We worked on our stretchy trot, we had fun. I didn’t want our ride to end.

Now for an update on the other boys, Alfie and Flame. Both are doing fabulous. When I was sick, I was away from the barn for 2 weeks. That time away forced Flame to really trust other people who were handling him and he is doing so well. He and I are getting back into a routine.

Alfie and Flame are enjoying turnout for the winter in our indoor arena. Alfie had to have his shoes pulled because of an issue with his heel, so to make sure he doesn’t injure his feet on frozen rocky terrain, he is staying inside until he can have his shoes put back on. So far he is sound – he has navicular and needs shoes but if the shoes hadn’t been pulled off, the heel problem would’ve been more painful for him.

Below are some recent pictures of the 3 best horses I could’ve ever have asked for.

Again, I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!❤️🐴❤️🐴❤️🐴

Happy Thanksgiving !

I just wanted to wish all of my faithful readers and supporters a Thanksgiving full of love, family, memories and thanks. Alfie, Copper and Flame are all doing well.

Monday morning diary – welcome to my family Flame

Hi all! It’s been an exciting summer for sure. My horse family grew by one. I am the official owner of little Flame! You all remember, that cute little pony that I had the privilege of working with back in March for the clinic – well, this cute little cutlet is all mine!

Flame ❤️ – our first picture once it was “official”.

Flame was adopted from a rescue by a former boarder of the barn. When she realized that she didn’t have the time to devote to Flame’s training, she asked me if I wanted him. So the process began of transferring ownership from her to me. Because he was adopted from a rescue, I had to apply to be his new owner, complete with application, personal references as well as vet and farrier checks – to make sure that I am a responsible horse owner. Of course, I passed with flying colors, but the process took several weeks before I finally got the call and the contract that made it all official.

During the adoption process, Flame had a flare up of Lyme disease. His behavior became erratic and he was more jumpy and scared then ever. A blood test was done and sure enough, his Lyme numbers were very high. Medication was started – a 30 day course of an antibiotic call Doxycycline. About 4 days into the treatment, his behavior became worse. This was his second time on the Doxy, and the dramatic exacerbation of his symptoms proved that he was having an adverse reaction to the antibiotic. This antibiotic is one of 3 main ones that is used to treat Lyme. During the month of Doxy, I officially became his owner and he completed the antibiotic and once it was complete his behavior returned to somewhat normal, but he was still jumpy and spooky – the Lyme seemed to be very much still active.

I reached out to my vet and after a 1 month antibiotic break she prescribed Minocycline, a much stronger antibiotic that is more effective for chronic Lyme – double the cost of the Doxy – but there wasn’t another option since he didn’t tolerate the Doxy well. He would be on this antibiotic for 1 month. After about 5 days on the new antibiotic, his symptoms started to greatly improve. When he hit the start of the 3rd week, his symptoms again became exacerbated – but not to the degree when he was on the Doxy, which was a relief. He finished the antibiotic and so far, 1 month later, he doesn’t appear to be exhibiting any Lyme symptoms.🤞🏻

The Lyme flare up lasted the entire summer. During this time, between his symptoms and adverse reaction to the Doxy, he became very challenging to handle. Turning out and bringing him in from his paddock he shares with Alfie became dangerous for all who tried to handle him, including me. His “go to” move when he’s scared – which is all the time when he’s having a flare up, is to bolt. I know, you look at that cute little pony and think, nah, come on, he can’t be that strong…wrong…he’s 500 pounds of muscle – and when he wants to run, you either let go of the lead rope or risk getting dragged. So I made the decision – until his symptoms got better, and until he was in a better frame of mind to trust the wonderful people who were handling him, for everyone’s safety, including his, he and Alfie would have turnout in our large SAFE indoor arena which is attached to the barn.

The indoor arena is large, complete with poles and small jumps that both horses have enjoyed playing with. The arena has great footing for Alfie and is large enough for Flame to run around in and get the zoomies out. It has also become his safe space.

During this time, there were staffing changes at the barn – something that horses that have suffered traumatic pasts don’t do well with – change. His primary handlers during the week are two amazing young adults – Kami & Brian. Both of them have ZERO horse experience. Yep, you read that correctly. ZERO. But what sets them apart from even the most experienced horse person – their desire to learn. They have spent countless hours with Flame, just getting to know him, and letting him get to know them – on his terms.

I was able to get the trainer who came to the barn for the clinic to come back to help give us some guidance on how to build trust with the little guy. Up until that point, I had been the only person who was able to safely handle him – which was very overwhelming knowing that it all fell on my shoulders. The session lasted 2 hours and not only were the barn employees participating but so were some of the other boarders. Seeing so many people who genuinely care for Flame has made me cry happy tears on more than one occasion.

Even though Flame has now been a resident of the barn for just about 1 year, i’m not counting that time at all. It has been 3 months since I became his owner and I went back to the beginning with him. The beginning of everything. I’ve reintroduced him to grooming. Reintroduced him to hand walking. Reintroduced him to the wash stall. The indoor arena is a safe space for him, where he has learned to build trust with Kami & Brian. Trust that will hopefully transfer over when it’s time to go back to the outside paddock, when he and his handlers are ready to give it a try.

Flame – enjoying grooming – I found his “sweet spot” – notice the teeth showing – his lips were quivering.

The above picture – Flame is loosely tied to his stall – he can choose to move away at any point if he doesn’t want to be groomed anymore. What you see is him enjoying being groomed. Every horse has that one area that they love getting brushed. I have brushed Flame at the base of his whither area – base of his neck – many times before but he has never allowed himself to show enjoyment like this before. For this moment, he felt safe and comfortable enough to actually enjoy and relax during this very quiet time together.❤️

Shortly after this Flame started to get a little antsy, he was telling me he had enough, so I listened to him, quickly finished brushing the loose hair off of him and unclipped him. He was now totally free and able to walk around his stall. Before I left his stall, I stood against the wall just talking to him. He then freely chose to come to me and allowed me to gently pet his nose and face. I also bent down and was giving him kisses on his nose which he mimicked and gave me kisses on my face back. This moment which may seem small to some, was HUGE for him. For those 20 or so minutes spent with him, he lowered his guard, his wall of protection came down. Progress is being made.

❤️

Horses are like potato chips, you can’t have just 1. I thought my horse family was complete with 2, Alfie and Copper. Then this little pony came into my life and all I saw when I looked at him was a smaller version of Alfie. He had the same scared looks that Alfie had for many years. He had the same jumpiness and distrust and confusion. I think that’s why Flame bonded with me so soon after he came to the barn, he knew I understood him. He knew I had patience and love to help him. Horses sense those qualities in people. Flame is surrounded by people who love him and are learning to speak his language and who are listening to him.

When I bought Alfie and Copper, my promise to them was simple – I will love you always, I will provide anything and everything you need, I will listen to you and I will be your advocate. I have spoken those words many times to Flame. And I think he is starting to believe that.❤️🐴

Monday Evening Diary – my first Dressage show…

Let me start off by saying how many attempts I made at writing this entry – a bunch. So many emotions happened yesterday – and like I said from the beginning when I started this blog, I’m going to share with you the good, the bad, and the ugly. Although many who watched me ride at the show will tell you I did great and how proud they are of Copper and I – I am going to respectfully disagree. Copper was a total reflection of his rider – and I cannot and will not fault him for that. The fault lies completely with me.

Before anyone panics, nothing terrible happened at the show yesterday – other than my anxiety getting in the way of completing a 3 min Dressage test that I could do in my sleep – so poorly that on the drive home I started to think perhaps Dressage and competing isn’t for me.

The show was at a small boutique barn about an hour or so from our barn. The drive was lovely and the barn was extremely accommodating to not only the riders from my barn but for our horses. Stalls had been set up for our horses complete with bedding, water and hay – free of charge. There was no pressure to quickly tack up and get on your horse, there was ample time to warm up in a separate arena before going into the main one for the tests. Our horses settled in very quickly to their temporary accommodations.

Myself and Marin – a wonderful 10 year old who has become my little assistant in training at the barn, were going to be the only ones riding Copper at the show. It was decided that the adults would show first, followed by the juniors. I got Copper out of his stall and onto cross ties and got him tacked up quickly with the assistance of my friend Judy B. – yes, there are 2 Judy’s at my barn lol.

As my trainer led Copper into the warm up arena, I could feel a dip in my blood sugar and my legs suddenly felt like jello. But then the adrenaline kicked in and I was no longer shaky, but incredibly nervous. Like, really really nervous. Nervousness quickly turned into an anxiety attack. I could feel my chest start to tighten and my skin started to get hot from the hives. I stepped up to the mounting block, put my foot in the stirrup, counted to three and got on.

As my trainer and friend Judy literally walked with me around the arena, sheer panic started to set in. Copper was forward, but not out of control forward, but he was on alert – because I was on alert. After about 10 min of walking in each direction, it was time to trot. Copper had a lovely forward trot and he was on his game. I normally ride carrying a dressage whip but opted not to use it because he was already forward and responsive enough. Why was I so panicked you ask – I was in a small arena with 3 other riders – only 1 rider was from my barn, the other 2 were not. All my confidence that I had in the weeks leading up to this very moment fluttered away in a matter of precious minutes. Suddenly I questioned everything – including whether or not I should ride in this show.

And then it hit me. I was letting my horse down. And that’s the worst feeling in the world. Here I’m supposed to be the brave one to help give my horse confidence and I’m not able to do that. Because of that, Copper who was a little nervous on his own was now shouldering the weight of both of us.

As we were led out of the small warm up arena into the outdoor arena, Copper was unsure of himself. He normally loves outdoor arenas but this one was sketchy to him. Lots of decorative plants and things he couldn’t identify. He shy’d away from the “rail” which was going to be hard to get him close to it because we couldn’t just ride around for 30 min hoping he would get used to it, this is again where I let him down. I wasn’t brave for him. I wasn’t his leader.

As the test begins, we are supposed to trot down center line of the arena, halt in the middle and salute the judge. We did that perfectly.😊 Then we are supposed to proceed trotting down the center and hang a left…and we trotted, turned left and Copper stopped…and backed up. And backed up some more. Now I’ve done this test probably about 100 times over the span of 2 years. He’s NEVER done that. I’m also pretty sure I didn’t hit the reverse button. Copper did this totally on purpose…to get my attention and to force me to focus. Once I did, we finished the test and as the crowd cheered for us, my heart broke because I knew not only did I totally blow any chance of placing in the top 3, but I had let my beautiful partner down. And that hurt the most.

Copper and I after the test was done. They gave us a ribbon that says “Awesome”

Looking at my smile, no one had any idea the hurt I was feeling on the inside, because I had allowed fear, anxiety, doubt ruin a moment I had been working so incredibly hard for. All gone in a matter of minutes.

After my ride, it was a quick tack change for Copper and it was Marin’s turn. As Marin warmed up in the arena, I saw a very relaxed Copper proudly carry his rider around. I watched in such awe as these two beautiful souls supported each other the way I wished I could’ve done for Copper.

Marin & Copper – both so incredibly confident with each other, ended up taking 2nd place. In those moments watching them complete their test, my heartache for my mistakes took a back seat and I was filled with such joy and happiness. Joy and happiness for Marin, who worked so hard as well on a not so easy horse to ride at times, but also joy for Copper who stepped up to the be the partner Marin needed. In a matter of minutes, Copper went from kicking my ass into gear to giving his total heart and soul to Marin showing us all just how special he really is.

Horses are amazing creatures that live in the present. Copper isn’t sitting in his stall focused on the show yesterday, like I am doing, and have been doing and most likely will continue to do. Nope, he has forgotten and forgiven me for not being the leader he was looking for. The next time I ride him my confidence will be back in full force because we will be in our home barn. Life will just continue for Copper as if nothing happened. But for me, the shame I feel for letting him down will haunt me. I know, you are sitting there yelling at the screen “Judy don’t be so hard on yourself.” I’ve heard that from my husband pretty much all day today lol as well as my friends who ride. I can’t help the emotions I’m feeling. I do wish though that I could be as forgiving to myself as Copper is to me.

I know my experience at the show is not unique to me, all riders experience some sort of inner meltdown, but this was a first for me. I am truly blessed that Copper is who he is. For my fellow equestrians, learn from every experience you encounter, especially the bad. Those experiences might break your heart, allow yourself to hurt, like I am doing right now, but find the strength to move forward, and ride another day.❤️🐴

Thursday evening diary – when they choose you, you step up.

This past Sunday, our barn hosted a ground work clinic with an incredible trainer named Sara Vanecek. All of the horses were able to participate, including Alfie! Each horse had a handler, and the horses worked on lunging and there was even an obstacle course set up with lots of great desensitizing obstacles. This clinic was set up because of one very special horse in our barn, Flame.

Flame, or “curly fry” as I like to refer to him, was adopted from a local rescue about 7 months ago. He wasn’t at the rescue for too long, I mean, look at how cute he is, of course he was going to get adopted quickly. He came to the barn underweight, terrible rain rot in his mane, and an incredibly broken spirit. Suffering from PTSD not only from abusive former owners but being so small he was easily bullied away from food by his field mates.

I met Flame the day he arrived at the barn. When I first looked at him I saw a mini version of Alfie. He had the same scared look in his eyes, the same movements, the same mannerisms. If you took Alfie, and shrunk him – they would be twins.

Alfie spent the entire first day nickering and calling to Flame from across the barn aisle, and Flame answered him back. 2 horses that shared an abusive past, finding comfort in knowing they weren’t alone with their trauma.

Shortly after the rain rot was taken care of, Flame got a ton of burs stuck in his mane. It took 45 min., a ton of Apricot oil & paper towels, to go from this👇🏻

To this 👇🏻

After that, it was very clear, Flame chose me as his person. It wasn’t something I planned, although I did feel a connection to him because he and Alfie shared much of the same trauma, but this was all him. I would walk by his stall and he would yell for me. He would come in from the field muddy and dirty and I would brush him. Before I knew it I found myself singing to him. The scared tense face he had all the time slowly started to soften the more I spent time with him. He knew I could help him heal.

Leading up to the clinic, I worked on basic groundwork stuff with him for almost a month. Taking him from his stall and having him stand in the grooming stall so I could brush him. Leading him into the arena, walking over poles, doing a bit of in hand trot – all while my trainer Kari observed and gave some instruction when needed. Every now and then, something would startle him or I could see by his body language he was scared, and we would pause, I would pet him and tell him he was OK, and that I had his back. By the time we reached the day before the clinic, Flame was a much more confident little pony.

Take a look at some of things we conquered at the clinic:

Walking through a ball pit – like a champ.

Walking over a scary tarp – look at my smile!

Being led around the poles while I stood on the mounting block.

These obstacles, these challenges, Flame showed great confidence. Sara the clinician said that Flame is at the right place and is working with the right people. She commended me for doing so much work with him, and told me we were on the right track with him. I told her, the only thing I want for him is a future filled with love, happiness and trust. I want him to be like Alfie.

Now Alfie. Alfie Alfie Alfie. The horse that was afraid of his own shadow not that long ago, did fabulous at the clinic. He was led around by my friend Nancy, the wonderful woman who has her goats living at our barn. Nancy has horse experience, and Alfie adores her so it seemed only fitting that Nancy get to participate with Alfie.

Alfie walking between some not so scary tarps.

The balls were parted so he wouldn’t hurt himself by stepping on them – but he didn’t seem to care about them at all.

Now, everyone be calm…of course Copper participated in the clinic as well – did you think I was going to forget about my little Copperoni horse??

Copper was handled by Shea, one of the young ladies that rides him. They were the last duo – and you know, they save the best for last. Shea and Copper were AMAZING. He did everything in the obstacle course with such ease – he was the only horse to trot over 3 tarps! In fact, nothing scared him at all! So he really has no excuses when he spooks at the most random things in the arena anymore.🤣

Leaving the barn after the clinic, I had such a feeling of total bliss. I’ve made some amazing progress with Flame. I was so proud of both of us. As I watched Alfie take on all the obstacles with such ease, I realized he was able to do all of that because of me. Because of the trust he allowed himself to have with me because I showed him love and patience and I listened to him. I sheltered and protected him when needed. I exposed him to things at his own pace and I was there when he needed that reassurance that life was going to be OK. I can now pass all that I’ve learned from Alfie to help Flame. And my Copper. Copper is so incredibly smart. Our relationship has grown tremendously. He and I don’t always see eye to eye, but we both try so hard. He gives me 100% effort with every ride, and I give him 100% effort and support right back. I will continue to say it, I am incredibly blessed.❤️🐴❤️🐴❤️🐴

Wednesday Evening Diary – let’s dance!

I would like to formally introduce you all to Cee Cee. She is a 5 year old quarter horse, the newest addition to our lesson program, and the youngest horse I’ve ever ridden.

Cee Cee has been a part of our lesson program for a couple of months now. I was one of the first adults to ride her when she first entered the program. Our first ride went very well. She was a bit out of shape, and very new to the English riding world, so after about 40 min of working exercises all at a walk, she was tired. That is not the case now lol.

In the last few weeks, she has not only embraced her new life as an English horse, but she has shown she is fearless when it comes to trotting over poles and small cross rails. Watching her body get into shape with muscle so quickly has truly been a sight to see. Youth is on her side for sure.

Now, I’ve been making huge strides with Copper, which I am very proud of. But as I’ve said before, riding other horses has so much benefit, so I asked my trainer last week if I could ride her for my Tuesday lesson. The idea seemed great at the time, after all, I had already ridden her once before, and I not only survived being on a young non-arthritic horse who has a very forward walk, but I enjoyed it.

As the week went by and Tuesday started to get closer I realized something…was I getting in over my head? I have witnessed this horses transformation – she’s not the out of shape horse she was weeks ago…she’s got muscle…and stamina…and a lot of pep in her step. I could feel the self doubt creep in, and my confidence that is so strong with Copper, was now burying itself deep in the recesses of my brain. 😳

It’s now Tuesday. And I’m nervous. People always say horses humble you, which they do. But this wasn’t me being humbled. I didn’t come into this 2nd lesson with her with grand plans of accomplishing anything magnificent other than me getting on and safely walking her around the arena. If the walking went well, perhaps we would trot a little, but it was all dependent on how the walk went.

One of the many reasons why I love dressage is because it reminds me of dancing, you are dancing with your horse. To be honest, all horseback riding is like dancing. So my dance partner last night was Cee Cee. I had in mind a nice slow waltz…she had in mind – a little tango.

As I climb the steps of the mounting block, I take several deep breaths and exhale. I get on, and we walk into the arena. We stop as my trainer Kari makes a few adjustments to the girth. We check my stirrup length, quickly check over the rest of the tack and we get the OK to walk to the rail of the arena. Kari slowly walks away from us to adjust the stirrups of the other student who was lessoning with me, while Cee Cee and I didn’t walk to the rail of the arena…we trotted.

When a person is scared, their body automatically goes into a fetal position. When you are on a horse and scared, your body starts to lean forward. Some horses when they feel your upper body move forward to hunch over stop whatever they are doing, other horses pick up speed. Cee Cee is one of those horses who picks up speed. I wasn’t at all prepared for that very forward trot. As I’m trying to get a better hold of the reins, a little “woo” comes out of my mouth. It would’ve made more sense if I had followed up my “woo” with a “woe Cee Cee” but that didn’t happen. Instead, I attempted to sit myself back – which was pretty impossible to do as I was scared, but I steered her towards Kari and we came to a stop.

The old me, the truly scared timid rider would’ve gotten off. I would’ve ended the ride in defeat. The harm in that would’ve set back my riding, not slightly but a lot. All that I had accomplished with Copper would be a distant memory for a bit. Mind you, this was a moment on Cee Cee but the seeds of fear and doubt would’ve leaked into all aspects of riding and handling horses on the ground. It took all the courage I could muster up to not only stay on the horse, but finish the lesson.

Kari walked next to us for a good portion of the lesson. She was able to see when I was getting more comfortable with Cee Cee and she slowly started to step away. We worked lots of circles, spending a lot of time going in the direction that is more challenging for her. We worked on one of my favorite exercises called the box, where we use quarter turns to basically walk a box shape. That exercise helps with bend and control and suppleness. At the end of the lesson, Kari asked if I wanted to trot, and I politely declined. I wanted to end the lesson with what I had accomplished – not just stepping out of my comfort zone, but free-falling out of it.

As I dismounted, and landed my feet to the ground, I felt my knees buckle slightly. I realized at that moment just how scared and tense I had been through that 35 min lesson. I stood there, next to Cee Cee for a good 5 min, talking with Kari about the lesson, just trying to get the strength back in my legs. As we slowly walked out of the arena to the grooming stall, I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. Tears of relief, tears of excitement, and tears of shock.

I didn’t give up. I didn’t run away. I challenged myself on purpose to keep the doors of learning open. Cee Cee is a young horse who has shown she loves to learn new things. I am an older rider who has overcome lots of fear and anxiety when it comes to riding, and I have a lot to teach her.

Last night, Cee Cee lead our dance, with me taking the lead a handful of times. The next dance we share will be a bit different. I might not get to fully lead, but eventually, we will get there, just like Copper and I have. Cheers to us Cee Cee and many more evening dances.❤️🐴💃🏻

Friday evening diary – kicking it up a notch

Happy New Year folks! Something amazing has happened. It’s been 7 years of riding in the making, but I finally punched through the glass ceiling that has been holding my confidence hostage. Copper and I – we’ve made HUGE strides the last few weeks.

Let me rewind a bit. When I purchased Copper, I vaguely remember his former owner telling me that when she had purchased him, he had shoes on all 4 feet. When I purchased him, he only had shoes on his front feet. Well, in the excitement of welcoming Copper I forgot that one little detail.

Copper has minor scoliosis and because of that, he started to slightly drag his back left foot when trotting. X-rays of his hock revealed some arthritis so hock injections were done as well as him starting a daily pain medication and twice a year joint supplement injections. After all that, he was still dragging that one foot. So it was time to try back shoes to see if that would help.

For the first few weeks after he got his back shoes, his back was sore. The shoes helped give him support in his hind end and back, and once he adjusted, his back pain stopped. What we have now is a horse who takes much less time to warm up and has an incredibly forward trot.

Knowing that Copper is feeling great is a relief. Now, back to that glass ceiling we broke through. Forward motion – it’s crucial to doing anything with horses. Copper has forward motion now. In fact, once he fully warms up, he will easily pick up a canter instead of just a trot.

We have been working on trot to canter to trot transitions, and for the first time ever, I’ve managed to do that for a full lap in the arena! This is HUGE for me as I was afraid of the canter for the majority of the time I’ve been riding.

Copper and I have really become an incredible team. I am now taking 3 lessons a week, and although each lesson isn’t perfect, it doesn’t matter. Every lesson is a learning opportunity. Below are some pictures of us cantering – I can’t wait to see where this journey goes for us.❤️🐴

I’m so focused – I swear I do enjoy cantering lol.